Why Can’t It Be Real at The Same Time?

I was all depressed. Like I lost my soul. Now this emptiness had been temporarily filled with tears so I don’t come undone. I don’t know if it was right not to cry but at least holding them can keep me from falling off the cliff.

You sat there with me. You barely said a word but handed me a pen as an invitation for me to join your painting. I wasn’t sure what I should do because I’m not as good as you, I don’t draw as beautifully as you do. I was scared what if I messed up your painting? But you gently said it was okay, you’re welcoming different elements and styles even this happened to be new to what you’d originally planned. You said you learned to happily take in all changes that life offers you. You said I am beautiful anyway.

Am I? I was slightly startled by your serenity around me. People are still screaming and yelling out there, but I sense a peacefulness from you. Sometimes we just need recognition and acceptance even to the simplest things on us, or actually, just simply as who we are, like little children need compliments. The world seems full of malice yet you are so kind while I was so defensive and angry. You told me behind every evil behavior there is a need lacking of response. Understand this and be tender to them, and believe you can. Listen to the unsaid. If a person falls silent, it is very likely that she has been holding onto something she doesn’t know how to say.

I feel I can breathe better. I started to draw lines and put down colors on your little house. Well, our little house now. Since we are sitting by each side of the table corner, I’m looking to your painting from your right-hand side, may I take your wall as my floor and add a bookshelf to it? Will that look weird? Is there any house on this earth ever looked like that? “No, there isn’t,” you smiled, “But it is beautiful and we should make one. I even enjoy this little house much more that now it gets the opportunity to be seen from your eyes.” And then all of a sudden you started giggling, eyes sparkled, “Like we are losing gravity and flying into space.”